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[Pb]Cybermat47

Living with depression, autism, and other mental issues

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Firstly, apologies if this is considered inappropriate for this forum. I couldn’t find any rules about this sort of topic, so I’m hoping it’s okay.

 

I’ve learnt that, as hard as it can be to do, talking about this sort of thing can actually help a lot with dealing with it. So that’s why I’m making this thread, in order to reach out, help anyone else here who’s going through this, and show that it’s okay to talk about this sort of thing.

 

I was born with Asperger’s syndrome, a kind of autism. Essentially, it causes the person to have stunted social skills, and to develop life-long obsessions (one of my obsessions obviously being WWII aviation). Thankfully, after a few years of being picked on in primary school, I found highschool and beyond to be much better in terms of social interaction.

 

Then, around 2013, I was diagnosed with depression. My attendance, grades, and temperament took a pretty big blow, as you can imagine. It’s only in the past couple of years that I’ve started putting things back together again.

 

I remember that, at my lowest points, I actually welcomed the idea of dying, but now I’m glad that I didn’t do anything stupid. Because as long as you’re alive, there’s a chance of things getting better. And now things have gotten better for me.

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Do not worry too much, you are not alone with this diagnosis. Unfortunately, people who have never experienced depresion can not tell the difference between being sad and depressed. I am Dysthymia depressed, and I am happy with my life.

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You are definitely not alone. I suffer from depression myself. A lot of people do but don't realize it. It definately helps to talk about it with a professional or just a good friend. As namhee said, those that have no experience cannot fully understand what it truly feels like. Honestly a flight simulator forum probably isn't the right place for this, the whole internet is full of trolls who will latch onto any percieved weakness unfortunately. All the best with your struggles.

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1 hour ago, [Pb]Cybermat47 said:

I was born with Asperger’s syndrome, a kind of autism. Essentially, it causes the person to have stunted social skills, and to develop life-long obsessions (one of my obsessions obviously being WWII aviation). Thankfully, after a few years of being picked on in primary school, I found highschool and beyond to be much better in terms of social interaction.

 

I worked with two colleagues with Aspbergers and a neighbors son . 

The two colleagues is very good crane operators and very much liked by the customers. I had some dramatic scenes together with others when we use their cranes. But knowing the diagnose we simply apologized for the equipment not lying where we found it and moved on.

In my experience , the importance for people around a person with Aspbergers is that they know. It is very seldom a issue , but when something come up we can deal with it and make the situation easier for everyone.

In this forum pretty much all , me included have acted like we had a diagnose.

1 hour ago, [Pb]Cybermat47 said:

Then, around 2013, I was diagnosed with depression.

I have many times wondered if I have been properly depressed, I had similar experience . For me all is good or it is all bad. I do not seem to have anything in-between.

My wife is a professional health care person and usually get me up when I am down. But here in the inter web she kind of have no control😬

Anyway I appreciate you are openly talking about this, we all can learn from it. in special me coordinating/ being foreman to some with the same diagnose

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in my opininion the so called mental deseases are personality features

 

i have the contrary of depresion im always happy but at the cost of denying reality, i guess it was my way to succesfully fight depresion

 

dont let anyone tell you the way you are is a desease and remember the glass is totally filled at least with air even if it seems empoty

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As someone who also has autism, I find this thread very informative, because it shows me I'm  not the only one who found he has a fondness for ww2 aviation..

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As a person who also lives with depression, the best advice I can give you is to latch onto something you love or find interesting. That way you have reason to push on through each day to see what is new, to see and learn new things along the way. Don't let mere labels define who you are as a person and always be yourself. Just remember there is always someone else somewhere in the world who has it much worse than you do right now in this moment no matter how hard it feels. You are not starving in some hot desert living on a dirt floor enduring a war wearing rags. Nor are you regretting your life in old age from spending your entire life in prison from a single mistake made during your early teenage years. I find it important to remember such things when I feel I down about life. 

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Maybe some find comfort or reason in the way (biological and cultural) evolution is checking out options in any direction. There has to be variation and proof of concepts away from the "mainstream" - that's the very way it works. Being different, strange or whatever odd might result in personal hardness, even suffering. But you're still in the orchestra, playing your part of the symphony. Since we don't know where all this earthy hustle and bustle is aiming for, your input might be as valuable or as useless as anyone 's. The longer you live, the more you add to life. Go on!

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Posted (edited)

Depression is all too common nowadays and I'm not sure why.

I've suffered through depression and anxiety and I believe everyone does at some point in their lives. I used to have spells where I'd lay I bed for days and not leave the house or get up. Sometimes I'd think "whats the point of it all" and I'd wish for death though I never wanted it. I also used to suffer from intrusive thoughts (still do sometimes) and think horrible things and I would have repetitive thoughts go on in my head and I couldn't stop them, sometimes they'd get so bad that I'd rather die than live with the thoughts in my head. I also struggled (still struggle) with addiction.

 

I think the main reason I've overcome these things (and will overcome the others) is because of my faith in God. Eventually I learned to let things go and entrust it to Him.

I still get depressed sometimes and I still struggle with anxiety and other struggles, but a large burden has been lifted from me. I don't stress over things like I used to and I find myself being more and more content with everything in my life.

 

Not sure what you believe but all I can say is keep moving forward and take it one day at a time. Don't stress or worry about the future and try to push through your depression each day. If you do believe then just entrust it to Him, He's got you.

 

 

Life on earth most certainly isn't easy and sometimes it seems pointless or unbearable, but there is a reason for everything. You just gotta take life one step at a time.

Edited by Legioneod
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Posted (edited)
19 hours ago, [Pb]Cybermat47 said:

 

I remember that, at my lowest points, I actually welcomed the idea of dying, but now I’m glad that I didn’t do anything stupid. Because as long as you’re alive, there’s a chance of things getting better. And now things have gotten better for me.

 

Your quote here struck a cord with me most of all.

 

Little did I know how much my gamer name would come to mean in real life.

 

Without going into much detail I was very abruptly diagnosed with Stage 3 multi myeloma cancer in 2014 with 80% bone infection from head to toe and because of my protein levels skyrocketing due to the cancer, little to no kidney function as well  (GFR had dropped to 14 - 40 is failing). Upon further investigation the cancer only accounted for 1% of all cancers and yet caused 2% of all mortalities. The average life expectancy at the time was 5 years post chemo.

 

Talk about ready to die. I felt as though I was tied down to train tracks shackled with chains and no escape. Hopeless. Futile.

 

Within 3 days in the hospital my kidneys miraculously started heading back up on their own without the need for dialysis.

 

Five months later my final bone biopsy saw only 2-3% plasma cell cancer.

 

Fast forward to today and with the Mayo Clinic in Rochester 12 minutes from our new home now (we moved here just for that) they couldn’t detect a cancer cell using their latest technology down to 1/10,000 of 1%. My prognosis for the next 5 years of coming out of remission is now slim to none. Am I “cured”? No, of course not. Overwhelming odds (98% in fact) that at some point I will indeed come back out of remission.

 

I’ll use your line here - “Because as long as you’re alive, there’s a chance of things getting better”. Bingo. You nailed it. Hope.

 

I congratulate you on stepping forward in getting the help you needed, in coming forward and being able to openly discuss this with us and powering forward though the darkest of times when all hope seemed lost. Perhaps with the time we have been gifted new paths will be forged and new discoveries made. 

 

To use that old line, “You’ve come a long way, baby!”

 

Keep the faith and thanks for sharing.

 

 

Edited by BornToBattle
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Posted (edited)

Hi guys. I have also battled depression. 2007 was the worst year. 12 years on I am still here, fighting the battlefield of the mind.

 

What I have learned is, you are never alone always know that out there, there are other people that have the same problem but still everyday have the courage to stand up, get out of bed and go and face the world. That inspires me. 

 

I also have to thank my wife for standing by me, my son and daugther and God for always being there for me and giving me faith and hope not only in to tomorrow but also courage for today.

 

Aut viam inveniam aut faciam

 

One day at a time.

 

Edited by Luger1969
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INTJ, high-functioning-autist (now with neurological issues) reporting for duty!  lol. 

 

I've been prone to depression my whole life. After X amount of years of dealing with it I learned how to mitigate risk and avoid it a lot, or at least shorten it's length and intensity when it was unavoidable. As I stated I am INTJ, but have a rather extreme scores on various traits. For example I score in the top or bottom 1-5 percentile in multiple traits. I can't say this made my social life dramatically difficult. As a kid I found making people laugh always worked to my benefit. I excelled in music and gained lots of social cred points for shredding guitar like a mad lad. Hated most people. Hated most social situations. But for some reason playing music in front of 100s of people = no problem. Thanks to decent facial symmetry I never had problem with women, regardless of my emotional retardation at times. I literally remember an old girlfriend telling me "this is the part where you tell me you love me" - pretty hilarious in hind-site. The autism is only a recent discovery. After reading into it and talking to my family and friends about it it's almost a joke - it's so obvious haha. 

 

In 2013 I had a bad heatstroke one day after working out. Heatstroke involves the possibility of one or more organs failing or causing complications and or death. Heat Exhaustion is what most people experience and recovery is in 1-7 days usually. Please don't confuse the two. Heatstroke ain't no joke boys. Recovery took 1 whole year. The first 3 months were hell, I'm talking symptoms up there with brain tumor shit. I woke up every day feeling like someone had fed me magic mushrooms that Satan himself grew. The hypothalamus resets. All your primal functions are annihilated. I had no sense of what it even was to be "Jared" - ego didn't even exist. I was laying on my couch 20 hours a day in agony. I remember focusing all my thoughts and energy just to take 1 shower a week. I had the trots for a whole year.

 

Recovery plateaued after a year or so and I went to various specialists looking for answers... I still have no diagnosis (can't get disability). Naturally doctors started pawning off my array of symptoms on anxiety ect. Yeah autistic Jared nipped that one in the bud quickly. I spent 6 months seeing a shrink with a Phd and had him fax a letter to the doctors that confirmed my issues were beyond the scope of any mild-moderate mental issues I was dealing with at the time .Anything that raises body temperature inevitably brings on an array of symptoms that can range from simply feeling uncomfortable to impending heatstroke and death. Going to a store? probably too hot. Going to a persons house? probably too hot. Want to fire up the stove to cook? probably too hot. ect ect. I go on 2 or 3 walks a totallying around 30 minutes a day. I also throw in some light weight for only like 10-15 minutes max when I feel up to it. Basically doing a simple task in life turns me into some Seal Team 6 OP planner, it's quick in/out entry and extraction. 

 

I matured through life learning what I need to do and not do to avoid depression. By my mid 20s I had a pretty solid grasp on this. But now I have VERY few options to cope with life due to rather extreme heat intolerance (more like warmth intolerance). For starters this keeps me in doors for like 4 months out of the year. All my old hobbies and interests are not possible (ww2 reenacting, mountain biking, lifting weights, playing music, SLAMMING BEERS ect ect). So life (as I knew it at least) was annihilated.

 

Even though I have very little hope in my future or my life I will give you my old formula that I used to avoid depression. If you do the following and are still depressed than maybe you actually need meds. However if you're overweight, doing nothing all day but video games and porn - you need to sort yourself out bruh. 

 

Eat healthy (just eat real food dude)

Workout (this was my biggest one)

Set goals (GET IT DONE)

Make plans (for me even a social event once a week is all I needed)

Keep a journal (or just write stuff out)

Be creative (this often incorrectly gets misinterpreted as only being a feminine things like art... but stone masonry, welding or carpentry can be creative)

Experience nature (i swear to god city living and city life is why most people are depressed. Uncle Ted was right)

 

I appreciate the thread. I lost count how many times I want to bring up my situation (because it clearly dominates my life) but I always delete stuff because I don't want to come across as complaining or boo-hooing.

 

Things can always be worse, trust me. Struggle builds character. 

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I turn to flightsim when I need  to escape from reality. I found fps gaming to be less compatible with family since I got a bit aggressive. 

But maybe there is no coincidence that people more or less struggle with everyday life find themselves flying simulators 

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First off i have to say RESPECT to all of you for having the BALLS to talk about your struggles with mental health issues, i can relate to a whole lot of what each and every one of you have talked about, all i can say is my troubles have been around for most of my life and will be there til the day i die, for me there is no more help its simply a case of keep taking the medication until that day comes that i dont wake up,i dearly wish i could share some of my struggles too but i cant im not strong enough, and just like our mutual friend LuseKofte i also turn to my flightsim to escape the horrors of reality, GOOD LUCK to you all and sorry if im not making much sense BUT just to say this has been really difficult. :salute: 

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i think reality is a majoritarial consensual agreement of how things are

 

imho we are all two the universe and the antiuniverse and everybody is good, what bastard should be god to creaste sick people in constant shame of themselves?

 

real sick people are machines allmighty but unexistent

 

i wonder often why i like to be alone andd may complain about this but its my choice, i think in the double slit experiment all mankind chose the same slit, the rest ceased to exist

 

normality is pathological in a sick world

 

 

 

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THANKS man i have just broken rule 1 im CRYING, im pissing myself with laughter, im going to have my pot noodle and watch that again and agaaaaaaaiiiiiin, im all out of likes for today but those i missed are priority for tomorrow CHEERS MATE. 😂

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:thank_you: - not much to add, but if you do not positively know you're immune against metropolitan urban life and chaos, please think about this part:

10 hours ago, NETSCAPE said:

Experience nature (i swear to god city living and city life is why most people are depressed. Uncle Ted was right)

 

And if you're somehow able to shoulder the responsibilities think about a dog or a cat, too!

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Posted (edited)

i dont think depression is a desease is a defence mechanism against adversity, long story short:

 

today as always woke up in excellent mood saw a pretty waitress and felt terribly depressed

 

then i decided to quit smoking and stop playin taxes to mafia and state and either burn the money or drink it served by said waiter and i feel totally happy again

 

hell the bastards could pay you a vacation in the caribe instead they give you shit so youre not annoying thats how much sworn to be hipocrit doctors care

Edited by raaaid

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The so called care system sucks, for 30 years they pass you from doctor to doctor who just palm you off with drugs that screw your head up even more, then suddenly your dropped like a hot brick with nothing and nobody there for you anymore (but hey at the end of the day they go home to their cosey everythings hunky dory lives) and they wonder why you got worse not better, the bastards put you on tablets for the past 3 years and still to this day never did ask of side affects or how you are coping on them, and like i said earlier its just keep pumping the poison into your system until your time on earth is up, (forgot to mention go home listen to whales and dolphins,meditate and think positive) have a nice day. well thats another RANT about them seeing as how i cant RANT at the BASTARDS anymore, feeling better already, And while im here i might as well explain that my name was given to me by my brother in law 4 flight sims, 150 diecast model aircraft and every spare penny i have spent on my passion for the old planes, BUT hey a man has to have something in his life to keep him TICKING OVER.  

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I've been living with depression for over 10 years, and I was lucky enough to find an alternative to the doctors, because in our neoliberal world, only one thing counts: you should only be healthy enough to work again. The doctors are in no hurry to get well again: they make a living from being sick. Personally, I do it this way: I follow the therapy very well, and parallely: I follow the advice of a Buddhist monk. 1) he does not want money from me. 2) He seeks no solution as to how I can continue to work in the future, but he has found where the roots of suffering are.
I have learned the following: there is no way to be happy, to be happy is the way.

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Yeah Happiness is a meme. You can experience moments of joy, that's it. 

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ive always took the bad moments as to be able to apreciate the good moments like some black exalts a little color

 

sleeping more is important if i sleep less than 11 hours im in a terrible mood but if i sleep more i can take any sith with a smile

 

 

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Oh what i would give for a good nights sleep, im shattered but im feeling a tad better today i think my dog must have sensed that i needed a good airing so she put me on her leash and dragged me out into the sticks, (up hill in the heat all the bloody way) i must have forgotten to give her a scooby snack yesterday so it was payback time thanks Mischa. 

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if i was able to chose to get rif off mymental issues i wouldnt, i think its a gift, some described schizophrenia as a direct line with god and he nailed it, thats what i periceved in moments of acute madness, events unfold following my stream of thought, shame im sane noiw :(

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I used to tell the shrinks that i was the sane one, because after each and every one of them said they wanted to get inside of MY head, i thought after just 5 mins inside my head pal, you would be sitting at this side of that fu**ing desk. :wacko:

I guess we should all remember one thing the next time someone calls us a nutter, It takes one to know one, Honestly though guys Im not MAD IM NOT IM NOT, im just misunderstood YEEH HAAH, ooh i think its medication time.

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I get that folks don’t like faith and religion — of any variety — imposed upon them. 

But if anyone who’s ventured into this thread has ever wanted to talk about Jesus but felt reluctant/silly/angry/confused/hopeless about it, please feel free to PM me. Aside from airplanes, He’s my favorite thing to talk about. 


“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

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Anxiety, depression, agoraphobia, social disorder, OCD.

 

Medication for the last 20 years, i know where all you boys are coming from.

 

Mike.

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so in 2002 i fell in love with a chick that would igonre me, i would fled to amsterdam where i had too mcuh and starting getting paranoid that everybody knew me

 

i went home but i remain alone for my folks went on vacation, soon i would get paranoid nearly everybody was tryig to kill me but i survived somehow

 

had a nervous breakdown and star yelling from my balcony nonsenses

 

i was put on meds that had the paradoxical effect of make it worse

 

i would start yoga breathing toget stoned, 3 deep breaths and the 4th hlding breath for 5 seconds, this gets you so high you can faint but you just have to lower the head to reduce the efect of g

 

by the reactions of the people to my yoga breathing i got the paranoia this kills you but i was quantically inmmortal

 

everybody knew i was right in people trying to kill me i was just immortal or not councious of my own deat

 

in a poker game i realized i was an example of mans immortlity so i decided to made an immoratality test and tried to drawn myself in t a warm bath

 

i prayed to survived and i did

 

so by people faces they hinted at me i was immoratal and in a poker game i bet my life

 

i did it at least a 1000 times ever since, yes no misppel a thousand and i surived all at least here and now while im typing this

 

i wont do it again cause i learnt my lesson hell i light a fire to light a fag and i blew the whole planet in gazillion parallel earths cause nitrogen combined with oxigen is explosive but hw could you tell, at least by experience

 

but if im crazy and i bet my life in a delusion how the frack im still here

 

hell maybe you blinded yourself and now you think im utter nuts but if i told you the things ive seen, and again if the things ive seen are wrong this test wouldnt exist

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My illness has been with me most of my life and it will be with me for the rest of my life, this i have learned to come to terms with, i only wish the bastards around me would come to terms with it too, because im never going to change not for nothing nor nobody FACT, we are who we are right ? so if they dont like it then they can lump it, and thanks again for bringing this topic up, because although we know that we live in a society full of people with mental health problems, i guess sometimes we tend to forget that we are not alone, your a good bunch lads thanks again and good luck to you all RESPECT. :salute:

One more thing lads my apologies for having a rant in my earlier posts over the weeks, but im going to be honest as i always am, it sure did help make me feel better to get it off my chest. All the best lads JPC. :salute:

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