DRM exists on virtually every disc you own, and has for years now. Having a physical disc for something that requires you to login online to play, means exactly nothing if that serial key is banned for some reason. This isn't a steam specific issue, it exists in any game with a login/authorization system, which is most of them these days. Yes, these games can also lock your account, making that disc completely useless. Again, not a feature unique to steam.
VAC doesn't lock you out of your steam library, either, it only locks you out of VAC secured servers. From their own support page; "Your account may still be used to play single-player games and multiplayer games on unsecured servers ". It does not lock you out of your account.
Now, on to the bit about books.
1) Steam is tied to the email you registered it to. You are free to install steam and download games on any computer, anywhere in the world, as long as you remember how to get into your email.
2) Start steam in Offline mode. No need to connect, works even if you don't have an internet connection.
3) You absolutely can add friends (you're not supposed to, but you share your account info at your own risk), and you're allowed to add family members to your steam account. Letting a friend play a registered copy of your licensed software can get your account banned, yes, but again this is not limited to steam, at all.
4) No, you can't usually resell a licensed, registered copy of a game. You won't be able to do it on consoles for much longer, either. Like it or not, having to tie games to your steam/xbox live/PS network account is something most companies want to see happen. Because they make no income on second hand sales, and they would rather sell your friend his own copy.
ToS can and do change, often for no reason that's apparent to the consumer. Get used to it now, it isn't going to change any time soon. Should you realistically expect steam to be the one company that doesn't use a very common ToS/EULA system? Probably not.
Extreme One is absolutely right to use the word paranoid. Steam is not some evil, stealthy corporation that's "Out to get you". They are very much inline with the same standards as the rest of the software industry, singling them out when you have such incorrect information about their operation is crazy. Currently, 1.76% of steam accounts are VAC banned, leaving more than 75 million accounts unbanned. Not the kind of numbers you'd see from an insidious organization bent on stealing your money.